Scene from Annie Hall, where
Alvy (played by Woody Allen) becomes 'othered' by Annie's gentile
family over an Easter ham dinner
INT. DINING ROOM.
Alvy
and the Halls are eating Easter dinner. The sun is pouring through a
big picture window, shining on a large, elegantly laid out table. Alvy
sits, at one
end,- rubbing his nose and chewing, the Halls flanking him on either
side: Mr.
and Mrs. Hall, Grammy, and Annie's brother, Duane.
MOM HALL (Holding her
wine glass) It's a
nice ham this year, Mom.
Grammy
Hall takes a sip of her wine and nods.
ANNIE (Smiling at
Duane) Oh, yeah.
Grammy always does such a good job.
DAD HALL (Chewing) A great sauce.
ALVY It is. (Smacking his
lips) It's dynamite
ham.
Grammy
Hall stares down the table at Alvy; a look of utter dislike. Alvy tries
not to notice.
MOM HALL (To Dad Hall,
smoothing her hair)
We went over to the swap meet. Annie, Gram and I. Got some nice picture
frames.
ANNIE We really had a good
time.
Grammy
continues to stare at Alvy; he is now dressed in the long black coat
and
hat of the Orthodox Jew, complete with mustache and beard.
MOM HALL (Lighting a
cigarette and turning to Alvy) Ann tells us that you've been
seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years.
ALVY (Setting down
his glass and coughing)
Yes. I'm making excellent progress. Pretty soon when I lie down on his
couch, I won't have to wear the lobster bib.
Mom
Hall reacts by sipping from her glass and frowning. Grammy continues to
stare.
DAD HALL Duane and I went
out to the boat basin.
DUANE We were caulkin'
holes all day.
DAD HALL Yeah. (Laughing) Randolph Hunt was drunk, as
usual.
MOM HALL Oh, that Randolph
Hunt. You remember Randy Hunt, Annie. He was in the choir with you.
ANNIE Oh, yes, yes.
Alvy, leaning his elbow on the table, looks out toward the camera.
ALVY (To the
audience) I can't
believe this family. (Making
chewing sounds)
Annie's mother. She really's beautiful. And they're talkin' swap meets
and boat basins, and the old lady at the end of the table (Pointing to
Grammy) is a classic
Jew hater. And, uh, they, they realty look American, you know, very
healthy and ... like they never get sick or anything. Nothing like my
family. You know, the two are like oil and water.
The
screen splits in half - on the right is Alvy's family - his mother,
father,
aunt and uncle-busily eating at the crowded kitchen table. They eat
quickly and interrupt one another loudly. On the left the Halls in
their dining room. Both dialogues overlap, juxtaposed.
ALVY'S FATHER Let 'im drop
dead! Who needs his business?!
ALVY'S MOTHER His wife has
diabetes!
ALVY'S FATHER Di-diabetes?
Is that any excuse? Diabetes?
ALVY'S UNCLE The man is
fifty years old and doesn't have a substantial job.
ALVY'S AUNT (Putting more
meat on her husband's plate) Is that a reason to steal from
his father?
ALVY'S UNCLE Whatta you
talkin' about? You don't know what you're talking about.
ALVY'S AUNT Yes, I know
what I'm talking about.
ALVY'S MOTHER (Interrupting) George, defend him!
ALVY'S UNCLE (Over Alvy's
father's muttering)
No Moskowitz he had a coronary.
ALVY'S AUNT You don't say.
ALVY'S MOTHER We fast.
MOM HALL Stupid Thelma
Poindexter ... to the Veterans Hospital.
DAD HALL My God, he's the
new president of the El Regis. Let me tell you, the man is somethin'
else.
MOM HALL That's Jack's
wife. We used to make that outta raisins.
ANNIE Oh, yes, that's
right. Did you see the new play?
MOM HALL Oh, you remember
her, Annie.
ANNIE Yes, I do.
The two
families start talking back and forth to one another. The screen is
still split.
MOM HALL How do you plan to
spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer?
DAD HALL Fast?
ALVY'S FATHER Yeah, no
food. You know, we have to atone for our sins.
MOM HALL What sins? I don't
understand.
ALVY'S FATHER Tell you the
truth, neither do we.